Some Context on Gender, Projected
First of all, how did Gender, Projected come to be? In response to that, I have to ask, “How far back do you want me to go?” If I go back all the way to birth, that could be a long story. (But luckily for you, I’ve already written about that in the blog post called “On Gender” below).
So I’ll start this current story in June of 2014, when I spent two weeks in the psychiatric ward of two different hospitals for panic disorder and depression. When I got out of the hospital, I started doing a lot of therapy in both an outpatient program and with my individual therapist. Through all of this, I started thinking about reasons why I was struggling so acutely in my life, and wondered if my gender identity was one of them. In order to figure it out, I decided to do a lot of exploring - I started reading about gender identity, talking about gender identity, and exploring gender identity in other people.
Fast forward another few months, and I went out to dinner with my partner for her birthday. After dinner, I had her take a picture of me in my going out clothes, which I thought were really attractive. After seeing this one picture of myself presenting in a way I felt completely comfortable, I realized that I might be able to use photography as a medium to explain my confusing gender identity to people. In other words, I wanted to use photographs of myself to show the world how broad of a spectrum gender really is and what it means to fall somewhere in the middle of that spectrum.
So Reese joined me in exploring this idea, and she became the photographer. She wanted to be involved because she wanted to learn more about my experience, and later because she wanted to make friends, hear people’s stories, and provide the opportunity for people to talk about gender. She told me that the project represents everything she cares about because it “uses art and dialogue as a medium to talk about things that are important that people don’t pay a lot of attention to.”
Fast forward a few more months, and we find ourselves in February of 2015 preparing to speak at multiple conferences and show our photos at the New Haven Pride Center as a permanent exhibit. We have spent countless hours photographing eighteen models, which include the following:
Thirteen female-bodied people
Five male-bodied people
Four gender non-conforming/androgynous/genderqueer people
One genderfluid person
Two transgender females
Two cisgender males
Nine cisgender females
Twelve athletes
Two multiracial people
One veteran of the Army
Four musicians
Two dancers
Seven people from Connecticut, four people from Alaska, two people from New York, one person from Massachusetts, one person from Arizona, one person from New Jersey, and one person from Wisconsin
One Canadian
These identities are only a fraction of the many identities, gender and otherwise, that the people we have photographed have used to describe themselves.
Gender, Projected is not only images. In fact, what is more powerful than the images themselves are the stories behind the images. People have had very powerful experiences throughout the process of modeling for Gender, Projected, and I want to share some of their experiences to give you a better idea of both the variety of experiences that individuals are having with the project and the impact this project is making on individuals:
“I can’t call myself a man because of how I present myself, and I can’t call myself a woman because of how I present myself. I am in the middle.”
“I feel like I would be more likely to go out dressed more masculine after having participated in Gender, Projected.”
“When Reese would show me the spectrum photos of different people and would say ‘guess their normal,’ I got it wrong every time.”
“Up until this project, I never wore men’s clothes and following it, I only wear men’s clothes.”
“I suppose being a white male, I don’t think about gender very much. Being classic white male, I have a lot of privilege that I haven’t been aware of before.”
“It's interesting to see people who are not male-to-female transgender (at least not definitively) experiment with their own presentation. Their relative comfort in what is a somewhat nerve wracking thing for me. It isn't as core to them.”
“I haven’t been very thoughtful about gender. I have always dressed the way I dress and it’s not particularly feminine or masculine - it’s like bleh.”
“I never had identified out loud with trans* because I’m not sure…because I’m not cis…I don’t identify with it, but I’m okay with my biological makeup...I don’t want to alter it at this point in my life, and I’m not sure if I will ever want to. But talking it out, it made more sense to identify with that.”
“Mostly as a kid, I experimented with my gender expression. I just felt frustrated with the clothes I was supposed to wear and the way I was supposed to act. Once I realized that I didn’t care about what anybody else thinks, life became a whole lot easier. You don’t have to be one way or another.”
“I feel a lot of pressure to look feminine and attractive.”
“I borrowed a lot of clothes and bought a lot of clothes, and shopping for female clothing was really scary and hard, and almost made me have a crisis like I used to have when I was 12. I never would have done this project alone, I couldn’t. I would be too scared.”
“For ease of not getting harassed or asked questions, it is easier to throw on a pink dress and sandals. Its not from a perspective that I want to change, it is from of a perspective of acknowledging that I have it easy in that sense.”
“I feel like I kind of fall in the middle between feminine and masculine so I can dress up in either direction whatever my mood calls for.”
“It is so much easier to be a guy because we looked at how long it took us when we were doing the man thing and it was very easy (and if we were real men we wouldn’t even have to do makeup), whereas we were standing in front of the mirror doing our makeup forever when we were trying to look feminine.”
“I didn’t think I could wear that tight tank top and look masculine. But I did. It’s always baggy clothes, muted colors, but through this, I realized there are a lot more possibilities.”
“I think growing up in the place I do, I don’t feel comfortable enough to explore gender in day to day life. It’s not a town that’s very open about those sorts of things. I think if I lived in a different place, it’s something I would explore more. It’s not something I feel innately, but I try to be more aware of it for the people I know so I can be more knowledgeable and be the best friend to them.”
“This has really made me question a lot of typical stereotypes about beauty or about attractiveness. I think seeing all of the struggles that people go through to hide the things that they are most uncomfortable about gave me the confidence to finally stop hiding behind my hair. Because now I cut off the thing that everybody says makes me pretty, you know?”
I hope that this helps provide some context about the project, and I hope that this inspires you to share the project with your networks. Remember to donate to our Indiegogo campaign if you haven’t already! Thanks for reading!