Aurelia

How old are you, and where are you from?

24. Metz, France.

What presentation would you be afraid to wear on the street in your hometown or around your family? (if any?)

In my hometown, it would be the dress. People would judge me first of all for being a girl with short hair. And if I had short hair and a dress, they would point at me and say some bad things. I’ve been called so many names and most of the time I had to walk faster because the people look for trouble because I am different. That’s the thing I love about the US - you can walk in the street hand in hand with your lover and no one is going to look at you or say anything. Where I’m from, most likely, people are going to say something.

Did you gain any perspective on gender identity/expression in yourself during the project?

I was uncomfortable in the dress but the norm is that I “should” be comfortable wearing a dress. But I find it interesting that some other people could be more comfortable than me if they wanted to present as a girly girl. I was aware of that all of a sudden.

In your life, was there another time you explored/experimented with gender identity/expression? If so, what type of experience was it?

To me, gender identity means “how you feel” - the way you identify as a man or a girl. My first lover was a British girl when I was 15, and I fell completely in love. That’s when I knew that I was a lesbian. My style changed when this happened. I was wearing really baggy clothes. Then, when I was 17, I started to be more “fashionable” and wear slims and better clothes. I noticed that what I was wearing wasn’t attracting anybody, so I changed it. I thought, “If I wear this and do my hair this way, then it works!”

What do you feel is the aspect of your identity that you think about the most?

Sometimes I think about cultural differences just because sometimes people say, “This is America here” and I hate hearing that. I know this is America, I know this is not my country, and I know I’m not supposed to be here. People ask me for my passport/visa, and sometimes it hurts. Some people say, “Oh, you’re French, that’s cool,” but others say, “Oh you’re French, well this is America.”...Also, My dad grew up in Algeria. In France [being half African] is part of my identity but in America it doesn’t matter. In French, we say you are “matisse” if you are Moroccan or Algerian and French. In France, at one point, I got refused an apartment because of my roots. They could tell from my color and my name. But in America, people don’t really know where my last name is from. In America, when I say that “my father is from Africa,” people don’t believe me. I even had to send pictures of my father to people to prove it.

Was there anything about the project that made you feel uncomfortable? If so, how did you feel and why?

If I would have done this project when I was 16 or 17, wearing a dress and makeup would make me really uncomfortable and angry. I was a teenager trying to find out what I was doing and liking. But now, I arrived to a point where I have met so many people from different parts of the world who are completely different that my acceptance level is higher. Now, I love the human and not what the human likes.