GENDER, PROJECTED 

Anne

 

Date: 9/1/15

 

Where are you from? Where do you live now? Have you ever lived anywhere else?

I’m from St. Paul, MN; I live in Tempe, AZ; and I also lived in Washington, DC for 6 months.

 

How old are you?

28

 

How would you identify your gender?

I would say I identify as a woman. As far as terminology on the gender spectrum, I would say cisgender.

 

Why did you want to be involved in this project?

Before hearing about this project, I never thought too deeply about gender. The project made me think about how other people feel regarding their gender and also helped me in exploring my own gender, which is more complicated than I thought it was.

 

What presentation made you feel most like yourself?  Why?

The most neutral one felt most like myself because I have never really cared much about fashion or how I look. I always prefer to dress in what is comfortable and convenient.

 

What presentation made you feel least like yourself? Why?

I felt uncomfortable in the one where I was wearing the jean jacket because I felt like I was trying to be somebody who I wasn’t.

 

What presentation would you be afraid to wear on the street where you live now (if any?) Why?

High heels. Really girly clothes. Flowy shirts and bright colors and pink and makeup (like eye shadow and eye liner). I grew up in a small town in Minnesota. Fashion was never discussed, and people didn’t care about it. But in fourth grade, everyone started talking about my clothes and making fun of me because my clothes didn’t match, and I wasn’t wearing brand names. I remember thinking, “I’m supposed to wear this but what’s the point?” So I would try so I wouldn’t get made fun of. One moment in junior high, we were in the bathroom, and my “friends” said, “Anne, you need to wear more makeup. We’re going to do your makeup tomorrow.” They brought their makeup and they did it, and I just remember thinking about how stupid I looked. Even at 12 years old, I didn’t feel comfortable or see the point of it.

 

Did you borrow clothes from your partner (or anyone else) for this project? If so, how did that make them feel? How did that make you feel?

Yes. When I wore the binder, it didn’t make me feel different gender-wise. How I have always felt as my gender is that I was born a female, but I am a person. So I do relate to some qualities of female, but just because I am female doesn’t mean I have to relate to what a girl is “supposed” to be like. Sometimes I struggle with that. But then I think, “No, I’m Anne. I’m a system. And I can do these things that everyone can do.”

 

Was there a gender identity/presentation that you wanted to try but hadn’t before this project but didn’t have the chance to do until this project?

The whole process. I was surprised at how I feel almost more neutral than I do feminine. I also realized that I choose not to have gender be my identity. I identify more as a person who likes science, or as a chef--more roles than what people in society see. I don’t think because I am this gender means that I have to do what I was born with. But there are moments here and there where I experience discrimination as a woman, and I stand up stronger as a woman.

 

Did you gain any perspective on gender identity/expression in yourself during the project?

It made me more curious on how other people feel--people who have lived in a position where they don’t feel like they are comfortable with themselves or who don’t fit with how society feels about them. I think I am always going to be who I am, but this project makes me more open and more curious to other people’s stories.

 

Did you tell anyone you were participating and if so what was their response? Will you tell anyone? What do you expect their response to be?

I didn’t tell many people, but if it does ever come up in conversation I will educate people. For example, my coworker didn’t know much about the gender spectrum, so I was actually able to tell her about it, and she said, “That makes sense. I never thought about it that way, but it makes sense.”

 

What do you feel is the most salient aspect of your identity (the part that shows the most on the outside despite the clothes you are wearing)? How do you feel that this part of your identity was represented and/or misrepresented in this project?

That I am laid back. That can be modeled with the tomboy aspect of the project. It can be muddled with gender. Being a laid back, adventurous person means that I am low maintenance, and generally, feminine tends to be higher maintenance and masculine tends to be lower maintenance.

 

After seeing the photographs of yourself, what emotions do you feel? Do they look how you expected? Different than you expected?

They were different. How I perceive myself and how I actually saw myself--I guess I’m disappointed sometimes. But I’m also like, I’ll try again tomorrow. I talk in my head and try to dismiss that negative thoughts I have about myself.

 

Do you have anything else you want to say about your experience with Gender, Projected?

I learned a lot about myself. I feel more confident with myself knowing that there is room for women like me as much as there are for other women.